I need to go off topic here.
And I'm going to pull off my soapbox ....so bear with me.
I did some reading today about the life of a single parent and the effect it has on children. Once i started I couldn't stop clicking links and reading more. And I don't know if I'm getting it alright or getting it all wrong but my life is not reflect a majority of what I've been reading. Actually, what I read made me mad. To spread such negativity out into the world. Come on people! First off, I am not damaged goods who disobeyed God by having a divorce in my past. I should not be shunned for that, and God help you if I ever hear that you shunned the boy. I don't care how old he is. I dealt with some stupid parents, I (proudly) didn't slap them silly over it either. But I did decide I didn't need them in my life. My being a single mom is a fact. I can't go back and make the divorce not happen, I would NEVER want that.
The boy and I have been on our own since he was 10 years old and I'm better for that and I think he's better for that. We aren't free of all conflict and issues, but we are pretty darn happy. I lost everything when it comes to financial and material wealth and had to start over from scratch. When we had to move, people were there to support us. Friends, family, neighbors coworkers. They helped find a new home, move the few belongings I got and helped us get stable.
By the way, the new house is definitely a God thing. The story of that itself I will have to tell you someday.
By reading all the statistics sounds like my son should be bad in school, bad socially, doing horribly at one thing or another and having sex like a monkey. So I don't know if its him or me or both but the fact that he's almost a straight A student in well advanced (nerdalicious)college level courses and doing well socially (even though he is still an introvert) someone somewhere is defying the odds.
I don't think a divorce, or a choice to be a single parent means a bad kid. OR a bunch of negative hangups. I think we have a choice. You can pick which fork you want in that road. You can be out of control and have an "excuse" or you can overcome hardships and move forward. You cannot blame your child's grades on his or her absent parent. The grades are bad because the kid is slacking or there is a bigger issue. Period End of.
Can I say that the divorce left some scars on myself and the boy? Heck yeah. Each break up is personal and different, mine was a freakin' train wreck. Big nasty ugly scars that can be covered up and will fade but they will never truly heal were left on both of us..
Just like this new chapter of living with a chronic illness, there are big giant Bigfoot stomps left on your heart and soul. But you gently fill those in and move forward. If you don't, they just stay there, bruised, sore and ugly. It isn't an overnight thing. I didn't wake up one day with the weight of the world off my shoulders after the diagnosis. But, I can have faith that my boy is fine. He is LIVING and loving it. And I can know that he is taking this 1000% serious and doing what the liver dude says. We haven't talked about the scars, besides the physical, that he has since the first few weeks. But he seems to take it as a fact of life, just like his blonde hair and double jointed shoulders.
I never knew this was such an odd idea...just dealing with your schmutz and growing out of it. However, if the general population of media (yeah I know that is giving them way too much credit) is to be believed (HA!) then me and my boy rock.
You were warned... soapbox put back away.
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