Today the boy and I visited a local college fair. We have been talking a lot lately about college. I don't like it at all even though I know it is an exciting rite of passage for him. I have such mixed feelings. I will miss him tremendously... like rubber rooms and white coats best be ready miss him. I am so excited for him to experience that time in his life. For him to be challenged and learn so many new things. There is a balance that I need to find in letting him go and holding myself together.
Most parents worry about their child partying and drinking at school because they can make stupid decisions. I worry that my boy will give in to the temptation and hurt himself. His liver will never handle alcohol. It means his drinking days are over before they even started. That taste of champagne on new year's eve 8 years ago was his first and last. I pray he stays the strong, level headed old man in a young body that he has always been and remembers that life is a balance...sometimes you can break the rules, and sometimes you can't.
Not knowing what is wrong is pretty tiring. I know I have had more than one tearful break just because I fear. I am a gal of faith and I know that there is a story in this and he is under God's watchful eye ....but sometimes my faith buckles at the knees and I fear. This is a lot of crazy crap people. I don't think people around me get it. I'm sure i don't. I haven't asked the scary questions because i don't want the scary answers. The boy is always so tired. It worries me that he is missing out because he spends so much time in down time mode. We have to plan our outings in bursts. During the week you can forget about anything other than a school day. Except for Friday nights. That is football night, or in our family....marching band night! He pulls it together to be there because it means so much to him. Saturdays afterwards are usually pretty low key, again that balance.
I always used to say single moms were guaranteed angel wings. That was before I was one. Now I think all we want is a quiet day with nothing to worry about but a good long nap.
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